Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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