wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
