Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
