dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
