Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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