He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
