I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
