I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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