i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
