I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
