ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
