Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
