How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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