Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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