I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
