Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
