I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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