Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
