my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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