Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
