Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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