A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
