I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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