I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
