so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
