Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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