no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
