She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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