I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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