just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
