Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
