Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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