Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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