I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
