it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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