at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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