maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
