mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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