I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she told me i tasted like america
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
