I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
