He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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