i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
