I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
