I want to make a zoo with you.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
