What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
