I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
