I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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