That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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