return my video game
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
