I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
