moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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