The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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