It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
