I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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