Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You ruined the universe
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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