im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
