This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
