member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
