i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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