Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
P.S. I can't hear my feet
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
