you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
