Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
