If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
