my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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