I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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