I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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