dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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