Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
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He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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