first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
too bad you live with your parents still
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
