Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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