My first STD was from a foam party
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
