Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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