i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
