I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize