I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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