Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
