"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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