Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
