Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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