I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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